This is such a busy time of year, and I seem to forget to leave space for the hard stuff. So it always sneaks up on me, and then I am feeling lost and angry. I really should be prepared for this every year. It is the holidays - the time of year for joy, peace and happiness. But in reality, it is a hard time for some people and transition is difficult. Not everyone loves the holidays like I do, and EVERY year I forget that.
Lately, I feel tired and have the "I just don't want to" attitude. I don't want to deal with the hard stuff or have the hard conversations. I want to skate through the holidays all merry and bright!
I wake in the night worried that if I approach the hard conversations I will come off as judgmental. Or lose a friend over it. I am shedding tears over the heartbreak of friends and choices they have made. God has given me the gift of having empathy, but is it a gift? Really?!!!
I was sharing with a dear friend about a hard conversation I am facing, and she was beautiful (insert tears). She listened to me, had tears for me, even as I said, "I just don't want to!" There may have been foot stomping.
Then she shared with me this beautiful word from Psalms (shocking, she had just read it that morning - how does God do that?!). I know she will hit her knees for me, and that is such a gift.
Psalm 18 - "To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless, to the pure you show yourself pure, but to the devious you show yourself shrewd. You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty."
What I saw in this Psalm is that the "sin" is the root of feeling judged. I was wowed! I had never read that or thought of it in that way. It gave me comfort to know I can have this hard conversation and I will do the best I can to assure her I am not judging and I love her. God was so gracious to give me this realization from His Word, and assure me it is ok.
I am still not looking forward to this conversation, but in the midst of the mess, there was a blessing - a sweet love note from God via my dear friend.
I pray your holidays are merry and bright, but you also leave margin for the hard stuff and the love notes.